Good bye 2014

Its 11:57pm in 2014. This is my last blog for this year. See you next year my followers.

--me

Possibilty

So there is a chance me and a friend will be making a youtube channel, so my dear followers keep an eye out!

--me

"Wibbly Wobbily Timey Wimey..."

Weird title? yes yes it is! and hopefuly i have some whovians who read this! if so they would get the referance, or even someone whose watched Hillywoods Doctor Who parody.
Life....what can i say this time? my fathers mother is in the hospital, shes not doing well at all, and shes not the same bitch she was as when i was a child, shes got dementia  (is that how you spell it?) and she didnt even know who i was, she kept calling my father by his brothers name and she couldnt remember if she lived in her trailer or in a home. she has a brain tumor and had a stroke and is going down hill quickly. i walked into that hospital with complete haterid for that woman and walked out not know how to feel. i still cant get over the things she did to her children and to me, but i cant help but feel sorry for her. is this karma? getting back at her for all the aweful things she did? and after all she did to my father he was still upset and hurt and even stepped out of the room to keep from crying because it was just too much....maybe its because she did give him life and now shes gone, shes not the person she was, and she cant even remember half the people she sees or where she is anymore. she couldnt even remember that he sister and mother are both gone. she kept asking questions about them and how they were doing. she kept saying that shed take us out to breakfast in the morning, even though i doubt shell be leaving the hospital any time soon at all, shes been there since tuesday.
is this what happens? when you are a mean person, and karma finaly hits you up, do you get the worst there is? or is this some higher power giving her a chance to go to her grave without feeling horrible about all she had done? is this her chance to be at peace after all is said and done?
karma or higher power?
im sure that will start an arguement, maybe just maybe its both.....maybe karma is the higher power.
who really knows? i sure dont.

--me

Life and everything else...

I think i am finaly finding out how he feels, slowly yes. I think he does really care for me but hes just as scared as i am to get hurt again. So i suppose thats good, since we are at least on the same level.
We had 2 amazing days together. Lots of fun and bonding. We went through all his movies and he gave me the digital copies so i could have the movies, some were expired but oh well. Got a few i really liked.
We decided from now on that when we buy movies they should be the blue ray/dvd combo because he has a blue ray and i have a standard dvd, so that way we both get the movie.
We did go on the hunt for Scooby doo and zombie island, a movie we both really enjoy, i left it at his house because im over there often enough not to worry about it, i think that surprised him.

As far as everything else, well my health isnt so good, i keep having major pains where my kidneys are, takes my breath away and im in so much pain, even with the pain pills the ER dr had me get.
I dont think the antibiotics are really doing anythin at all. Im miserable.

On a side note, i was surprised at how many views this blog had, i didnt exspect so many, and if there is anyone who is actaully following this blog, thank you - i didnt know my pathetic life and stories were worth much, but hey if you enjoy it all the more power to you, this is mainly for me to vent and put my thoughts out there to hopefully help with my anxiety and keep me sain.

Ive determined that i am strong enough to get tattoos, so i have as of now 4 that i want to get.
1 will be a sister tattoo with my best friend
2 will be dragonflys that i completely love
and the final one will be a memory tattoo for my grandmother who i miss very much. that one will be the last and prolly the most exspencive and painful. but the memory of my grandmother is priceless.

I need to lie down, since im in major pain right now and sitting is not helping anything. so if your following this blog, i shall "talk" to you next time.

--me

Happy, havent been in a while!

I've been so busy living life that I haven't blogged in a while.
Things are...OK health wise
Happiness wise their pretty good.
Me n the guy I've mentioned had a fight but the end results were good. We still hang out n have fun. We get along great. I get along with his family great. He keeps things fresh and new and I love it.

I had to quit one job. The other I might loose. My heath is OK I'm not deathly sick k or contagious. Just having the same issue I had as a child. Sucks cause I may need surgery.
I'll keep things updated as I found out.

--me

Just to much...

I have 2 jobs. I still don't make enough to get by. At this point its to much for me to handle. I'm coming to a complete breaking point in my life. I don't know what to do anymore and I'm preparing for the worst of it all.
I've been sick and no doctor is willing to help so far. Going to try one a friend recommend. Hope all goes well.

--me

Been a while and the need to blog is here...

I havent done a blog in a while, so i doubt if there is anyone at all who reads this, non the less i will still post blogs cause they are good for me, and make me relax and get thoughts out in the open which is helpful.
To start if any followers still read this, yes i am still spending time with my "friend" and things are still going quite well, no nothing further then what has been has progressed and i doubt if it will non the less of how i feel.
Have i told him these feelings? no and i dont plan on it. why ruin something thats going good?
Second, i am not getting hit on by 2 other people!!! crazy ass shit, so not used to this.

Shit has been stressful and i just hope things will keep going ok, yes not a long blog but it is one.

Work......what is up with this s**t

So today was my "monday" at one of my jobs. So apparently we are getting a corpatite visit on wednesday, so everyone is freaking out. Totaly stupid, if the store did what it was supposed to do in the first place they wouldnt stress like this. So, i was the only person in my department this morning, and my other co-worker didnt come until about 1. So the store manager himself, was having a bunch of other people work in my area til i got there - this man didnt even have the comon curtoisy to tell me what he wanted done, he told everyone arround me and i herd it from a different manager.....and apparently he did the same thing to my senior co-worker the other day and totaly pissed him off. At first i was like "ok whatever" cause im used to this shit from my mangagement but when i herd he had done it to the senior guy - i was like "da fuk dis shit" - apparently us associates for this 1 department dont mean shit - and neither does our department unless someone importent is comeing. Sometimes i completely hate this job.

Its been a while and i need to put my thoughts out there!

so its been a while since ive blogged anything, and ive been quite busy working 2 jobs and trying to live......if you can really call it living.
Yes i have 2 jobs, both i work with kids, and i enjoy both my jobs, not dream jobs but they keep me going.
I am running my self down working 2 jobs, even thought i sleep between jobs, but its been crazy
and i have fridays to spend with the guy ive mentioned a few times on this blog, now there is a rising blog moment right there, things ive been keeing in.
needless to say i did break down a little last night infront of him, both of us thought wed messed up last night, i ended up crying, and then we resolved it all very quickly, he looked me in the eyes and told me he was there for me and if i did anything wrong hed tell me or walk away to cool off.
it was nice to hear, and made me feel better


the thing thats been on my mind about him, is....well i think im falling for him, and falling hard.
and i have no idea if he is close to feeling the same way at all and im afraid to open my mouth about it because i dont want to fuck up whats going on - were not dating or anything, but i like whats going on between us, its fun and not stressful at all, and i enjoy every last moment. i smile a lot and its genuine, but in 100% honesty the feeling terrifies me and makes me want to try because ive been in love twice, had my heart broken and fallen out of love and broken thier heart which hurt me too, cause i didnt want to hurt that person. but this guy is nothing like any other person ive been arround, and we mesh well together, which makes things even harder.

people say there are questions u need to ask to see if u really do love someone like, do they make you happy? smile? laugh? are they worth your time? do u think of them when u go to sleep and wake up? first thing? do you miss them when ur not arround them?

answer for all yes.....

last one, do they feel the same way?

I HAVE NO IDEA!

but if he did, what would happen? neither of us want a relationship, so what? both of us are inlove with someone they wont be with? whats the point in that? and whats the point of either of us getting hurt again?

i just dont know what to do with myself or the situtation ive put myself in.

i honestly dont know why i feel this way about him and someone told me when you dont know why then its 100% true love, but no one ever really knows

the reason for this is just to get things off my mind and chest, so i can think clearly. and stop going crazy with wonder, i dont need to know and if i did id know or i will find out if thats whats supposed to happen.

thanks for reading my rant my followers - if there is any

-- me

Final Verdict!

MY FACE IS NOT BROKEN! YAY!!

Only i could possibly do this!!!!

Ok so, i was helping out another department at work. they were setting mods for christmas, well lots of shelves are pains to move! so i was useing a rubber mallett and well that shelf rebelled and did a freaking ninja flip to my chin!! so i reported it to work like im supposed to, well i went to the dr today and there is a possibility that i fractured my chin........
only i could do that with a shelf to the face!

One thing that's been on my mind, and others minds quite a lot.....

Now that some things have changed in my life, one thing that has been on my mind, and apparently a few other peoples mind (about me!) is if i want to have a baby and be a mom.
Now i know my mother would be happy if i did, cause im the baby, so i dunno, shes looked at me all crazy when i was holding my great nephew, and my reaction was like "uh no"
I know my best friend's mom thinks i need one, shes flat out told me so.
The guy im sleeping with - his mother wants lots of grand kids! and she constantly informs me of so.
My boss (well one of them, the one i like and is like a friend to me) is surprised im not pregnant.
The guy im sleeping with, well he doesnt think there is the right person out there in the world for him to have a solid relationship with to settle down and have a family. no that doesnt upset me cause were not dating.

Ill be honest, ive thought a couple times that i might have been pregnant, but i wasnt, which wasnt really a relief or a sadness, it was just like - ok.
then i thought, what would happen if i was? do i want to be a single mother? <-- first off, even thought the guy thinks what he thinks, he such a gentleman that i know hed pay child support if he didnt want to be fully involved with the kid if i kept it - and i have a friend who is having difficulty getting pregnant and would be willing to adopt the kid if that was the choice i had to make. or we, cause its my body, but it would be his child too - and thats where the complication comes into all of it!!! am i willing to fuck up not only my life and the childs life but another persons life cause i choose to keep a child neither of us are ready for?

i mean at this point, this guy is pretty close to becomeing one of my best friends. which i only have 2 - and 1 is my soul sister i swear and i love her to death.

things arnt awakard or weird or stressful between us, im completely comfortable arround him, and can talk to him or just hang out - we dont even have to fuck - like im not arround him for the sex, im arround him cause i like to be, he doesnt make shit stressful and i like that cause fuck my life is stressful! and his family loves me, so i enjoy being arround them too.

im a fatty, like a chunky woman, i got curves and all that shit, but he doesnt care, where as most guys only want some skinny bitch! he doesnt find me annoying, which i know quite a few people do even if they wont admit it.

i dont know how many other people in the world find someone like this - just someone who really gets you, and you get them and its like, i dont know how to describe it, but this is all completely besides the point.

DO I WANT TO BE A MOTHER?
CAN I WILLINGLY RUIN 3 PEOPLES LIFE'S?
CAN I TAKE CARE OF ME, MY MOTHER AND A CHILD?
AND 2 DOGS????

Do i really have what it takes to properly raise a child to be a good person and not a dumb ass like all the other kids that stupid people are doing a fucking bad job of raising?
I cant even remember where i put shit half the time, what if im one of the dumb asses who leaves thier child in the car? i would die, completely.
The most drilling question is, can i even get pregnant? - i got an ultra sound, and well the doctors cant find my right ovary. For all i know, im completely infertile.

At this point, aside from all these questions which ill never be able to answer until it happens, im just like
"what ever happens - happens and when it does ill go from there"

This sucks!

I understand completely that i need to take my medicine to not die pretty much, high blood pressure and anxiety sucks, but my doctor did say i could have 1 or 2 drinks and id be fine, so i have an occasional glass of wine. 1 glass. Today i decided to buy some Mikes hard lemonade because its the same alcohol content as the wine does! since today was quite stressful say i figured it would be a nice way to relax. no, my damn luck i drink some of it and have a panic attack!!!!! not from drinking, but just from stress build up and i freaked out.

im super lucky to have my mom though, she helped me calm down and fall asleep to kick the stupid thing, but now my lemonade is warm......

cant even enjoy a simple drink cause of how stressful life is :( how fucking sad is that?

this sucks.....


--me

Dog park adventure....final!

Just go back from the dog park, our dogs were the only ones there. they even had 2 sections, 1 for big dogs and 1 for little dogs. they ran like crazy and had lots of fun chaseing people along the fence who were riding past on bikes.
top pic is my dog and bottom is my mothers dog! rnt they cute!

Dog park adventure....to be continued!

So, we are finaly going to take our dogs to the dog park tomorro, i will inform you of how it does!

-me

Hate being sick

I'm not contagious but strep throat still sucks. Meds are dragging me down. :( hating it!

--me

Childish bullshit

Why are some adults still little fucking children? Your how old and you still want to play this high school bullshit? Maybe its somewhat of a good thing.
There was a monolog I wanted to perform once because of one line that said "no let's be children let's throw rocks n call each other names. At least their honest" which is damn true kids tell it like it is. Now if people acted that way n not stupid childish secret lies shit it would be OK.
Your an adult put the petty shit behind you and act like a fucking grown up and get on with your adult life!

--me

Firsts.....probably more then i should share.....

So i usual dont like to dive into details on my blog, since i really dont know who all does read this, but at this point, im just giving in and telling 2 firsts, yes one will be embarrising, but its a good story.

To start, it happened between me and a co worker, although i said id never do things with a co worker, but at this point we dont work together anymore, so it doesnt matter.
He said he liked me, and i was cute, he said hed kiss me if he got the chance, now instead of being a scared little girl like in high school, i said fuck it, be a woman missy and go for it. So i did, on my break, and before he started work, i walked as confidently as i could out to his truck got in and kissed him, made out a little and got caught by another co worker, who told another and so on, at this point im sure most people know what happened.
What they dont know is, one night, he picked me up and we drove over to an empty parking lot, to make out and get all touchy and have fun, but not go to far, at lease thats what the plan was. I was wearing my short pj shorts, so he had full access, it was getting very hot, and the windows wernt down so they were getting foggy. I leaned back so he could get a little more access, as much as i had to him, well animal instinct much have kicked in or hormones or something that i never thought would happen, and there we were, having sex. there i was no longer a vergin.......yes it hurt a bit, but he was so gentle and sweet that it wasnt bad, it was probably a lot better then most girls first time, and i was glad it wasnt with some stranger or random person.
Of corse after words both of us were like "cant believe we just did that" and drove away before anyone came by.....it was a beautiful moment and i enjoyed it, so not only did i get my "lost my verginity" story but i also got my "strangest and most public place" sex story.

Here is a less interesting story, i got strep throat for the first time ever. it sucks....

Great story right? lol


The first is a lot more then id like to share on this, but i figured, im heading in a new chaper in my life, so why not just go for it?
Lol just like my first time :)

hope you enjoyed this cause it probably wont happen again

-me

The news

ITS NOT WHAT I THOUGHT! sight of relief, yes but there is still other problems arising.
Heres the details short and simple, i thought i was pregnant....im not! yay, but i may only have 1 ovary. more testing to do, that or i have an ovarian cyst, both would suck, but ill let you all know after the tests are complete!

on a little of a happier note, tomorrow i will be 21. gasp, age revealed! yes im young, so today my friend from work took me out to dinner, and i had fun, it was nice, thursday i will have dinner with my best friend and my mother and friday i will hang with another friend. bday week, super awesome!

-me

Choices

My father is dieing, yes a very blunt first sentence and a very sad one.
Back in december of last year he was diagnosed with throat cancer, and earlier this month he was diagnosed with lung cancer, and is terminal.

He went through kimo and radiation and it still spread, but it didnt help any that he continued smokeing while this is all happening, the one thing that helped cause his cancer and he wont quit, he will die but he wont quit.....how can someone do that?

I guess i just dont quite understand it, hes pretty much headed to his death bed, and he wont stop the one thing that may help him live a little longer. how long? they dont even know how long he has left right now, and all kimo will do is slow the process, i could wake up any day to a phone call that tells me my father has passed away, and id have to figure out how to get time off of work without loosing my job, and the money to go to his funeral. how depressing of a thought is that?

No one should ever have thoughts like that, ever. Life is hard enough without things like this.

Im sure some will think "oh geeze what a bitch" no, this is a really hard thing for me, cause i dont get to see my father, he lives 5 to 6 hours away from me and i work constantly, and its difficult for him to travel cause of the effects of the kimo and radiation. Its not as simple as people think it is.

I didnt ask for him to leave me and my mother, or for him to get cancer or anything of the sort, no did he, i guess all of these events happened for some reason or another, i just wish i knew why.

On top of it all, he didnt even tell me himself anytime that he found out he had cancer, the first time his new wife told me, the second time i found out via facebook from his new wife yet again, and ironicaly he had talked to me a week before i found out via facebook and didnt even tell me, then added into that factor, his new wife posted something that made it seem like he had already died, and no one called me to tell me the passing of my father.
now i have super bad anxiety and sometimes my meds dont always keep the panic attacks away, so comeing home to that and then not being able to get a hold of my dad on the phone, sent me into a major one!
he is still alive yes, but he doesnt know for how long.

depressing.....story of my life yes, good comes and then bad cashes it all.

vent over....

-me

Scary possibilities...

So, i have made some choices that have led me to worry about some new and very scary possibilities...things i know im not ready for.
Things i should have thought about, but everything i did was so in the moment...it was not planned or exspected to happen.
This is hard to talk about without going into detail and i am not willing to share those with the people that may possibly read this blog. 1 of the 2 people i know who read this already knows....and i can talk to them about it but sometimes its nice to put all my thoughts and words onto a page rather then try to get them to come out of my mouth which rarly wants to function properly....i want to say it but i dont, cause i dont want this to be real and i wont know for a while if it is real.

Has anyone ever done anything, and then thought "fuck fuck fuck, now what if this or that happens, that was silly, why did i do that" - but you didnt regret it, you enjoyed it but are afraid of the after affects?

thats where i am right now, so my possible blog followers and readers, if there is any news on my scary possibilities i shall let you know the detail. cause at that point it wont matter.

- me

Its been a while.......

Yes my little followers, it has been a while since i have blogged anything.....ive been working as per usual....but also being doing things that i have throughly enjoyed.
Ive hung out with friends, makeing plans for my birthday at the end of the month, helping my mother arround the house.
Havents spoken to people who stress me and out and upset me for a few days, well until tonight. of course the first thing from this person is then jumping my case then they dont respond to shit i say......you got all up in my grill to not respond? are you that butthurt?

IM LIVING MY LIFE!

life is not ment to be spent on a computer all the time, thats not the life i want, it was a life i lived for years and i got bored, so im sorry that this person is upset i dont want the life they have, im sorry i can sit on my ass all day and do nothing while the people i live with do everything. the person i live with cant do barely anything at all.....i have to clean the house - minus dishes and they do their own laundry - i take care of the yard. the dogs is equal share of responsability. cooking, well were both to lazy for that.

im sorry i walk to work, work 40 hours a week, and walk home from work and it tires me out, im sorry but you do not control me anymore, i am free to do as i please and be the person i want to be.

im free to date or not date or just fuck arround with people, or have fun with whomever i want!

im sorry im trying to have some family memories with the family i hardly get to spend time with....

ya know what?

IM NOT SORRY!

so get over it! move on! have a life with friends and family!

its time all people for once get off thier asses and go do something they want to do! weither is just go for a walk or stand outside for no reason at all! I DONT CARE JUST DO IT!

Im gonna go to bars and clubs and whatever other places i can and do what i should have been doing in high school instead of being tied down to one person, or getting higher then fuck like a dumb ass!
oh well im a little slow on the draw there, im still young, dont take my youth away, i want to party (not like an idiot, but just enough) i want to flirt with all the damn people i want to just for the fun of it! AND YES I THINK ITS FUN! I GET SO SMILE AND LAUGH AND ENJOY LIFE!

I have medical problems, and i need to start living as if this day is my last for everyday cause it damn well could be!

ok....im done thanks

-- me

Total downer!

So i have solved the who oh why cant i find it mistery! because my shitty town DOESNT SELL IT!
issue solved

Cant find it! why oh why!

So i went to my friends 21st bday, and we had pepper steak, cake and a nice glass of some dessert wine! Now i dont drink a lot, and i dont like the tast of beer, or wine usualy. the wine she got was amazing, so i figured since she is going to come celebrate with me on my bday id get the same wine, but in a different flavor, the wine we had has 4 flavors, the store we works at sells 3 of the 4.....and of course the one i want to try WE DONT SELL! ive called so several other places and they dont even sell it. my last chance to find this wine is to call liquor stores and pray they will have it in a month since that is when my bday is. I figure drinking isnt something you should just so all the time, so i dont drink all the time, and when comeing to special occasions i was trying to figure what to get, i like smirnoff and twisted tea, but i didnt want to buy a case of anything cause its just so much, a bottle of wine for 3 or 4 people, is just perfect. Thank to my dear friend who is like a sister to me, i know what to get, and hopefuly i can get the flavor i want, if not i suppose i can try the other 2 flavors, give them a shot since the one we had i know i like. its fusterating, i tryed to use the wines websight to see if i could find where to buy it near me, it has a where to buy button, you choose the flavor you want to buy, put in your zip and how many miles your willing to go and click search, and....NOTHING! so i tryed other flavors and still got nothing. so i sent the link to a friend and asked them to put in my zip and search for me, nothing, they get something for thiers but not mine! :( i want this wine! and i dont usualy like wine! plus my dept manager told me a wine that was sweet and not tart to try but of course I FORGOT THE DAMN NAME! ill have to text her and ask her the name.
as you can see im not stating the name of it because i dont want to get shut down for copywright issues for putting the name of a wine. dont still know 100% how the whole copywright thing works, but i wont take my chances, so if anyone want to know just google dessert wines, flavors strawberry n cream is what we had and i want to try peaches n cream! so hopefuly if anyone searches for it they will find the brand im talking about, maybe if i get lucky ill find someone with information tomorro at the fair! but thats a fat chance! oh well a lady can only hope!

on a side note, my mother went to her friends house to get the money from her to take to the fair to buy things for her (shes a hus bound old lady who still plays video games and shes almost 90! with arthiritas so bad its like her hand is 1 whole knuckle!) she was gone for 45 mins maybe a little longer. in all that time i moped the bathroom/hall, did 1 load of laundry/watered the lawn (which i contued doing after my mother got home, lots of laundry n a big ass yard), i also vaccumed and clean where my coffee maker is and cleaned the bathroom counter. in total 3 bags of garbage (2 of which were just from our kitchen trash and living room trash), i wish i had more time to really do this everyday, but i work 40 hours a week here people!
rant LOL my bad this wasnt supposed....well i suppose it was a rant just not a work rant!
nap time, to tired to care after cleaning all day and to have a day of fun tomorro!

I need a weeks vacation

So i work and work and work, i mean holly cow i work my butt off. I get 40 hours a week which yes is amazing and yes my pay is amazing to an extent. Checks are decent-ish but still not enough to live off. Now if there was no damn taxes id be makeing bank! - but thats just a dream to dream.
For the department i work in, there is only my dept manager, me and 1 other person, and this department is high maintance, like super high! I even get more hours then my co worker who has been there for 5 years. im pretty sure he has amazing pay or at least really good cause he has 3 days off every week. I so couldnt live with that.
I walk to work and most of the time home from work not to mention all over the store that i work at. So if i had to guess how many miles i walk id say at least 20 if not more. I know for sure i walk 1 to 2 every single day i work. Cause i live a mile from work, which isnt a long drive at all, but no car means walking.
So yes that is a shit ton of mileage on my poor feet and legs. Ive been doing this for a year, well a year and almost 2 weeks. In hot hot hot humid weather and freezing cold fucking snow! So deep it come to my shins!

What does all of this say?

 I NEED A FREAKING WEEKS VACATION!

Somthing where i can sit on my butt and relax for a day or two then go do things i want to do! BUT i only have 13hours of personal time.....thats a day and like 5 hours. So a day and a half....and im sure some of you are like ???waaaa???? im part time so i didnt start getting personal time til about 2 weeks ago. No insurance yet.....sucks but oh well.... I dont sleep welll.....so im tired all the time, if i had a week off id sleep and sleep omg, make it 2 weeks and id probably sleep for a week its self!

Not to mention ill be on over nights for 4 days, all 10 hour shift, will be same pay as usual but 3 days off, which is nice, but damn will i be exhosted. I know, after working a 12 hour shift one day that 10 hours is my max. If i could work 4 days a week with 10 hour shifts all the time and keep my 40 hours and my pay and have 3 days off, id probably be happy. Tired still yes, stress yes, but still happy.

2 days is just not enough to do anything when you work all day. and if you dont have a car......like now as i write this, im drowsy, and just kinda wanna sleep....but i havent really wrote a partway decent blog in a while and i wanted to share this wit those who do read this if anyone besides the 2 people i know of read it. which like ive said before i doubt it and that honestly doesnt bother me because this is more for me to put my thoughts out and rant and rave then for other people to read. but hey if someone does then yay! grats to you for finding my blog and actualy continualy reading my rants and crazyness and probably lameness......yup.


speak of, my co worker (not the one in the same department) ask me if i was writing a book! i told her im do dumb to write a book, even my blog posts are stupid sometimes. oh well, nice thought though.

Yard work

So, i havent watered or mowed or weedeated my lawn in a couple weeks......so i have some patches of green and a lot of brown in my yard.
I have an agreement with my neighbors, we can use thier fenced in yard for out dogs and they can use our water spicket (we dont pay for water) to water thier lawn since they cant get to thiers. well......i cant water my lawn while thier watering thiers......and they water thiers EVERYDAY!
they had it on when i was mowing the lawn...thier not home,......so yes i turned theirs off so i could water my nice brown fucking yard. i dont mind them useing it BUT EVERY FREAKING DAY! thier grass is not going to get any greener......hopefuly they will be gone alll day so i can use the water....i do need another hose cause i cant reach my whole lawn with the 2 we have and should prolly get a better sprinkler cause oours kinda sucks. i want the one that is like....i dont know how to describe it....but it will work better even with low water pressure....
mowing the lawn doesnt take long with my awesome mower, but weed eating takes some time cause i have an electric weed eater, and not enough extension cord.......and they like to come unplugged......so thats a bit of an adventure.....

Did i say or hint at this?

I hate it when someone wants something and they tell you, hey go do this and we can have this....im like DID I HINT THAT I WANTED THAT OR WANTED TO DO THAT? No no I didn't
If you want something do it yourself. Don't have someone else do it or ask someone else to do it and then get mad cause they don't want to.

After long thought...

Sitting here i was looking at my blog thinking...man i really dont always have something to write about, and i dont want this to be an all of me sort of blog, i want it to be thoughts, and adventures. so ive started a photography blog, no i am not a professional photographer, but i love takeing pictures, so why not make a blog where i can post all of them and talk about them, not a lot but some, like what was going on or thoughts when i took it or why i took it. so this is the link http://freedomph.blogspot.com/
and this is also an amazing blog to read http://gardenandlifestone.blogspot.com/

check them out!

Finaly Finished and the power is fail today!

I have finished the book i was makeing! yay! and soon i will give it to my niece if i ever can get to her hour or she comes here, as i do not have a car we shall see how this plays out and how she likes it.
After the book was done i went to cook dinner, my garlic broiled chicken and the power goes out, so i had to light the grill and make half broiled chicken and half grilled chichen.......it tasted good still but its not what i planned. the power was out for an hour, then came on for 10 mins max then was out for another hour.......grrr needless to say, i get settled to watch my shows after eating and FU POWER thats all i have to say.......rant over

What is going on in the world?

I came home after a long day of work....and went to see what i could have for dinner......nothing, i have nothing i can make a decent meal out of for dinner. So my mother, who i live with, and no not for free and my name is on the title to our home as well as hers, so yes i have all legal rights to live here and she has no legal right to kick me out, is currently making hash browns and eggs.......i thought, ok a salad.....well we dont have any chicken to put in it and a regular salad sounded......unappealing. the eggs and hash browns dont sound much better but there is not much else so have. soup? too hot. pot pie or breakfast corndog? to hot! didnt have anything unthawed, and just eating chips is not a meal, its junk food.


this is no way to live, if i have a home i should be able to have a nicely stocked fridge, freezer and cupboards, so i can cook when im hungry.....and cook good food, but even between the both of us we cant afford to pay bills and eat decently......just not enough money. and even if i got another part time job it still wouldnt be enough. i cant even pay all my bills as fully as i wish i could. i dont even have a car, i couldnt even afford one if i did....
things keep getting pricier and pricier.....i guess Hershey will be raising their prices cause coco prices are going up. lets go back to when u could get 6 candy bars for $1 and gas was 50c a gallon.....when my mother was young. that would be nice, anyone agree? make the money i get now and pay prices of back then, id LOVE that omg, i think the whole world would, no homeless people and the rich can do as they please.

everyone is so greedy these days, no one is willing to help without payment.
just sad. people should help others just to help, for a good deed for the day, yes?

so never will happen, wed have a zombie apocalypse before that would ever happen.

A time where shit is cheap, u get great pay and ppl are not afraid to punish thier children and teach them manners.....you know there is a difference between punish and beat and abuse and if you dont know that difference YOU HAVE ISSUES!!!!
Kids have no manners now, and OMG it is annoying.....i cant stand it, i wanna spank other peoples kids (i dont not have any! not ready to be a mom) for some of the shit they do. SHIT I WANNA SPANK THE DAMN PARENTS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! TEACH YOUR DAMN KIDS!

I wounder what someone would do if i spanked them and then spanked thier kid? any thoughts? or am i still just talking to my 2 friends i know read this, i wish these would tell me how many people read my posts...... ok ive ranted enough about this, maybe ill rant about something else laters.

Favorite

This, this is the beautiful view i get to see everyday i walk to work, i just love it.

Does this happen to anyone else?

Ive noticed that around a certain time of night i get super tired and its the same time every night, its to the point that when it happens i know oh its 10pm. its strange because i used to stay up til 2 n the morning all the time like every night with no problems. Very much so obviously i must be super tired because i have to stop and spell check every other word and usually i have no problem typing, i misspell a few words but not every other word, if i posted without spell checking it would probably look like this......

imer so tirrd itsi not eve funyy

thats what i was typing, not even proper words. and like i have said in an earlier post, im a great typer, improper English i know, either im super exsostid ad i dont now it or my keyboard is dyeing, wireless keyboard so i dont have to have my laptop sitting in my lap, it gets quite hot at times......ok yeah maybe its both, i shall hopefully remember to put new batteries in this tomorrow, for now it is time for bed damn it.......now its making me mad......

and yes i spelt exsostid very wrong, but ive spell checked it several times and cant get what i want

Yes a realization

So i was sitting here thinking.......my blogs are probably really weird, its almost as if im talking to someone, telling them a story, althught half the time i talk people dont really litsten. Which is almost the case with my blog, cause as of now there is only 2 people that i know of that have read or will read this and continue to read this. Other then that i doubt if any one else in the whole world will give a fuck about what a person like me has to say or what i do. im sure ill probably get a lot of haters, mostly with my spelling and how crappy my writing is, which i know it sucks, i wasnt very good at school, im lucky to have graduated, honestly im surprised i did. i figured id have to do my senior year over or even summer school. i failed both my AP classes in junior year, had to do them as independent study during senior year. but here i am, a high school grad with no further education or deisre to further my education, really 12.....well 13 if u count kindergarden and actaully 14 if u add pre k. anyways, that is more then enough schooling as i can handle, enough being graded on how stupid i am. obviously im not some genious here people, i cant spell worth shit, and my vocab is small needless to say. well maybe its about avergage who knows. there is this wonderful girl that i work with and i love talking to her because her vocab is massive but i dont unerstand half of what she says. i told her that one day too, i said - i love talking with you, but you make me feel stupid - flat up. apparently she is a lot more book smart then i am, im at least some what street smart and im decent on a computer, i can type quite well.....without looking at my fingers and yes in the proper way, sometimes i dont even have to look at the screen i know a keybord so well, i guess that has to count for something.
the list of things i can do is quite short. i can act very very well, did a lot of theater in school, which i miss, and should get back into, but it takes a lot of time. and im not sure there is a large enough theater cround in the town i live in, i may just have to look into that. so typeing, acting, apparently great phone sevice i guess, according to my managers.i guess im somewhat ok with most kids, as long as their not newborns. pretty decent with animals, most of the time. my dog gets annoyed with me. in a great driver, love driving. i can cook and bake thanks to my mother. shes a great cook, ive learned a lot from her and not just cooking but about life. and i hope if i have kids one day i can do the same for them.
 im terrafied of thunder OMG I HATE THAT SHIT! yes yes i know, a but stupid for my age.....although if u dont know me then u dont know my age, but yes i am an adult. i cant sing or dance worth crap. i procrastinate a lot, good at that but its a bad thing. suck at school.
i guess im just a bit too tired to think of anything else, although i am in my little bubble of a world, listening to music and blogging.
only plus side is i dont have to work too too early tomorro.still i just go to sleep........if i can
laters invisable people who are reading my nonsense blogs!

Baby book time

So now that my great nephew is born, i should get his baby book done. At this point i have finaly told my niece what the surprise gift i have for her is, and that of course its not finished. So i started back on working on it, and oh my goodness my back hurts from sitting for so long working on it. I didnt realise how much work goes into scrapbooking or even makeing a normal baby book. It takes a lot and a lot of money, i have put so much into this. I guess thats why im so nervious about weither or not my niece will like it. Obviously i hope she will as will my great nephew, but you never know, and even when people seem happy about a gift they could be fakeing it. People seem to always want to spare other peoples feeling, so they lie about things. Everyone does it, there is no getting arround it. As far as the rest of the baby book i need to work on is quite a but but hopefuly it wont take very long, there is some informaion that i cant fill out in it because i dont know the people that well to put any info on it. So my niece can add that, it will just be easier, plus the purpose of it is for her to add photos and other things that she wants as little man grows up.Here is the wonderful spread of my work, yes the white stuff is my "blurring"of information and faces, as i worked it got messier and messier.....took a while to clean it up. and it will go on like this for several days im sure.

Interesting thing about this websight, i have an app for it, so i can blog even when im not at home on my computer, little harder on my smart phone but still just as convient for my work rants. Althught i cant read anyone elses blogs on there. Sucks oh well. 

Lawn Mowing adventure!

So i used to borrow a friends parents lawn mower, it was old and reliable, but i have a feeling they were useing the gas i payed for, for thier car. cause there is no way you can use up 2 gallons of gas in a small mower in less then 1 week.......so, i baught one from work for 170, top brand mower, needed one bad. got a gas can today and put gas/oil in the little thing and pulled the cord.....TADA! started no problem. the one i borrowed i had to FIGHT non stop to start it and make it move, so it took at least an hour maybe longer to get my cornor lot done......HOLY SHIT right? way to long for our lawn, granted it is a corner lot. this new mower, omg omg omg! i LOOOOVVVEEEE IT! self propelled! yay! like i said i pull and it started no problem, then it took off and i just walked along behind it telling it where to go. sooooo easy! i loved it. only shitty thing is someone threw a freaking chain//hook in our yard and i ran it over, thankfuly it just got caught and didnt mess up my mower bad. took like....im guesing half an hour to do the lawn with this thing. i can in my house and told my mom OMG THIS THING IS AMAMZING I FREAKIN LOVE IT!
when i was done she was so shocked, she didnt even belive it! neither could i honestly, but i still did get a little too hot out in this freaking 90 someodd degree weather!
gonna be hot allll week, yay! not.....
i think i will enjoy mowing the lawn now instead of dreading it.
this isnt anything really new, just typical so we dont get kicked out of where we live, the new part of this is the mower, which i love.
the only downside is.....getting covered in grass, its got a mulcher so it doesnt have a bag....cool  mulch is good for the lawn keeps it healthy.......minus the fucking wind blowing it back at me.....
still, a nice long shower will take care of this, no biggie, worth it for the beauty of easily mowing the lawn.

on some side notes, that dont have to do with my lawn, got shopping done today since it was that time. got the photos to finish my gift for my niece/great nephew. plus the extra slips to put the pages in since i ran out of them. i have told her finaly what it is, and she seemed....meh abut it, but that might have been cause she was still in pain. understandable she did just have a kid. so hopefuly within the next few days i will get it done, ill put a blanket down in the living room and sprawl out on the floor and get to work. i may post pics after i blurr some information out of them ofc, no one needs to know my familys personal stuff. and i still need to wash the turtle i have for little man, since my niece had a thing for turtles for him.
got new shoes, spent a pretty penny i shuldnt have to do it, but i mean i walk to/from work and at work, i bet i walk atleast 20 miles a day, i know i walk 2, cause its about a mile to work and back. plus how much i walk at work. im afraid to wear a pedomiter to find out for sure!
one co worker wore one once, and in her posistion she walked 17 miles in 1 day. so i figure 20+ maybe for me. cause she only stays in one certian area of the store, and im pretty much alll over the damn store. helping everyone co worker and customers. do this and that for managers....which omg speakin of.....saw my manager and a co worker getting into a conflict because of something my co worker felt was discrimination, and i totaly agree, and he got sent home for it. omg he was pissed, majorly. i wouldnt at all be surpriseed if he quit.
i also got a mounted photo for my niece, of her and little man. its amazing i hope shell love it, if not ill keep the damn thing and put it up in my house.
finaly got to watch my shows last night, OMG SO EXCITE! as grav3yardgirl would say. and serously if anyone is reading this go check her out on youtube. shes amazing! love her videos.
as of now i am hungry again, so i am ending this blog for now! more latter
allons-y!

Wonderful yet completely terrifying!

Just got home from see my cute little great nephew! omg is he so cute and so itty butty!
Aint he cute?
My mother wanted to hold him, my niece who is still in pain from the c-section didnt want to move, understandable, but that ment i had to hand him to my mother which ment i had to pick him up!
I am so not at alll what so ever ready to be a mom, im not even sure i want kids! so of course picking up an itty bitt little baby scared the crap outta me and i as so careful, probably tooooo careful but what else are you supposed to do?
He is only probably 5lb, same weight as my dog, but so much more fragile!
Yes i did hold him for a while, its was kinda wonderful but terrifying! and the whole time im holding him my mother is stairing at me smileing - PAUSE! i told her dont look at me like that this is not happening any time soon. granted im only 2 years younger then my niece im to young to be a mom. and i so unprepared to even begin motherhood. im ok with being the great aunt - good enough for now.
finaly told my niece what my surprise gift was and told her it isnt done, cause well i ran out of slips to put the pages in......and i hope she loves it as much as everyone else has, and i hope my little nephew will too cause its for him as well.

I admire those who can take to motherhood so quickly and well at young ages, i dont think i could ever do that. there is still so much i want to do and see and im not ready to settle down and be responsable for someone elses life!

on a not so possitive not, im a little aggravated, i have tv shows i want to catch up on BUT the damn websight is down........so i have to wait yet again, like i have been for a while and its hell cause i wanna know what happens!
SO ADDICTING!

on a little side note im starving so this is the end of this post! more to come ;)

Little one welcome to the world

A few days ago my oldest niece gave birth to my first great nephew. Gonna go see the little man today. Prolly won't hold him holding babies scares me so I know I so am not ready to be a mom. On top of that with my job I don't think I could handle working around screaming kids and then come home to screaming kids or kid. I might go crazy. I admire those who can do it. And man I wish my niece lots of luck I'm sure shell be a great mom she already loves her son to death.
Babies are a handful. Lots of work and money and time and pain, and quite honestly I don't think I want kids. But I go back and forth from wanting them and not.

Starting New

I used to blog a lot, but i stopped for a very bad reason. So many things have changed recently and ive felt the need to blog again. Bloging is a stress reliever.
Its finaly time to start a new chapter in my life, and as a friend has called it it will be my journey to freedom.

I may at times rant and rant about the people i am surrounded by at work, althought i will not release as to where i work, but i work in retail. Those who also work in retail will understand my rants, but im sure lots of people will get very annoyed as i do on a daily basis with the people i have to deal with.
Although being able to laugh most of it off with my corwokers swaping stories about these people helps, ranting is what i want to do when its "one of those days" and i do get them quite often.

As far as me.....well im young, an aunt of 3 nieces and 3 nephews and 1 very special great nephew, yes great and no the niece who gave birth to him is NOT a teen mom, actualy she is older then me. As is her sister.
Yes i was an aunt before i was born, amazing i know, blows my mind all the time.
Shell be a great mom.

This blog isnt goin to be just one set of things. i love takeing pictures. Of sceenery and my adorable dog. so there will be a lot of those.

If anyone ever ends up reading this is in for a ride. if no one ever does oh well its something i love doing and i will enjoy getting back to blogging!

Allons-y!