Its been a while and i need to put my thoughts out there!

so its been a while since ive blogged anything, and ive been quite busy working 2 jobs and trying to live......if you can really call it living.
Yes i have 2 jobs, both i work with kids, and i enjoy both my jobs, not dream jobs but they keep me going.
I am running my self down working 2 jobs, even thought i sleep between jobs, but its been crazy
and i have fridays to spend with the guy ive mentioned a few times on this blog, now there is a rising blog moment right there, things ive been keeing in.
needless to say i did break down a little last night infront of him, both of us thought wed messed up last night, i ended up crying, and then we resolved it all very quickly, he looked me in the eyes and told me he was there for me and if i did anything wrong hed tell me or walk away to cool off.
it was nice to hear, and made me feel better


the thing thats been on my mind about him, is....well i think im falling for him, and falling hard.
and i have no idea if he is close to feeling the same way at all and im afraid to open my mouth about it because i dont want to fuck up whats going on - were not dating or anything, but i like whats going on between us, its fun and not stressful at all, and i enjoy every last moment. i smile a lot and its genuine, but in 100% honesty the feeling terrifies me and makes me want to try because ive been in love twice, had my heart broken and fallen out of love and broken thier heart which hurt me too, cause i didnt want to hurt that person. but this guy is nothing like any other person ive been arround, and we mesh well together, which makes things even harder.

people say there are questions u need to ask to see if u really do love someone like, do they make you happy? smile? laugh? are they worth your time? do u think of them when u go to sleep and wake up? first thing? do you miss them when ur not arround them?

answer for all yes.....

last one, do they feel the same way?

I HAVE NO IDEA!

but if he did, what would happen? neither of us want a relationship, so what? both of us are inlove with someone they wont be with? whats the point in that? and whats the point of either of us getting hurt again?

i just dont know what to do with myself or the situtation ive put myself in.

i honestly dont know why i feel this way about him and someone told me when you dont know why then its 100% true love, but no one ever really knows

the reason for this is just to get things off my mind and chest, so i can think clearly. and stop going crazy with wonder, i dont need to know and if i did id know or i will find out if thats whats supposed to happen.

thanks for reading my rant my followers - if there is any

-- me