Fist me and JD are still together and we are engaged. Beautiful ring, and no it wasnt a romantic proposal like he wanted, the jewler from the store threw him under the bus. Needless to say, i could care less how he proposed, im just glad to know he wants to spend his life with me.
Second, we are planning to have a baby, if the world doesnt go to hell because of president trump....
Im working, easy job, decent money. Im ok right now minus the state of the world. it is bearing down on my mind. Maybe i shouldnt have had a monster energy drink so late in the day, and prolly shouldnt have had so much soda.....oh well i suppose. We know my anxiety can be a bitch and it has decided to be a bitch right now.
So as i type this i am listeneing to JulienJenna podcast on youtube, while my old phone plays NCIS on netflix, cause i listen to it to fall asleep. Look how well that is working right now! :(
So to the reason i cant sleep and why im crying. Recently it has been semi declared that Donald Trump has pretty much called World War 3 with Russia.....stuff was sent one way and then trump responded with the same shit basically saying bring it.
Im 23, i have only slept with 1 man (which im so happy about), im not married (yet), and i dont have any kids (hopfully yet) and i may be dead before any of that can happen because of this jackass who has no idea what the hell he is doing ruling a country. Because we are now in a world where sexism and racism is again a HUGE deal, where right before we were slowly working on fixing the bullshit the is human stupidity.
The only thing i can think, is - thank god my dad isnt alive to see this - the things he would have to say. I miss him so much. I wonder what he would think of JD and of Trump and all the shit that is happening. He is prolly sitting somewhere wishing he could fix things. Maybe not? I dont know, you cant know what the dead is doing right?
Im scared and thats all there is to it. I wish JD was here to be with me and hold me and comfort me - but we cant get a decent job to be able to get a place with the shit economy that is America today.
I hope to hell someone kills trump before WW3 can even begin, or some person would strike a deal with russia and be like "here he is take him, we dont want a war, we dont want him or his stupid VP" and keep us from being demolished in a war and killing millions who didnt want this idiot as our leader. We had to choose between 2 evils and neither was a lesser evil so either way we got fucked as a country. We need Berny Sanders, idk why america decided to be asshats and not vote him in.
I can only keep pretending im ok for so long. I can only take comfort in faking that everything is ok for a short time.
I cant talk to anyone in person about this, i cant face someone and let it all out, all i can do is type this because i know no one reads it. No one cares about 1 silly womans feeling or rants or self pitty bullshit on this sad blog.
As usual, this helped calm me a little bit, but it wont fix anything. I know i wont be able to sleep tonight, so lets hope some coffee and peanut-butter will wake me up (protein is energy right?)
I got it out, so i guess ill go read, maybe eat because im hungry.....night
-- me
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