Broken hearted

I have ruined everything that I was trying to work for. JD was going to ask me out, and I fucked it up. I had no idea he was going to do it, but now its all over and my chance to love him and be with him is gone.

Im a total fuck up, just a week from that moment my bff told me she didn’t want to talk to me anymore. She thought it was what I wanted, but it wasn’t, and now the other important person in my life has walked out.

I deserve to be alone forever, I do nothing but fuck shit up, and I am the villain.

I love him so much, and ill never stop loving him. Ive lost my happiness and possibly another job.

Hurt my back and have been out of work for a week and am on lifting restrictions for 2 weeks now, so no doubt they will fire me. Ive only been there a little over a month, and im sure were about to lose our van and possibly our home.

Ive come to realise I am a horrible, horrible person.

I don’t deserve happiness.

I will end up alone forever. Im even a bad pet owner.

Id make a terrible mother.

I fuck everything up and will probably end up in jail due to my debt.

No wonders so many people just walk out of my life.

No wonder my father walked out of my life.

I need to stop dreaming, and hoping, ill be a robot. That’s what work places want right?

A mindless nobody who will do whatever they say.

Ill back off from JD and let him have what he wants, a better life without horrible girls in it who are stupid and worthless, ugly and fat.

That describes me perfectly.

I get it now, I really do, and soon everyone else will too.

Im never going to have sex, hes the only person I want to have sex with. So that life is over…so is any chance of any future with me and him, I feel like I want to die, but im not dumb enough to do it, I want to get blackout drunk but I cant due to my  meds.

I was a cigarette but im not dumb enough to smoke it, and I want to get so fucking high the world seems a dream but its not worth it.

All of that is as worthless as I am.

I alone ruined an amazing thing.

I am worthless

I am ugly

I am fat

I am not worth anyones time

So those who read this blog, you’ve been reading the blog of a looser. Fun reading someone elses stupidity? Their lame and worthless life? I hope you enjoy it, im  sure there will be more as im sure I will fuck more stuff up.

Til next time worthless little piece of shit…..

 --me