ITS NOT WHAT I THOUGHT! sight of relief, yes but there is still other problems arising.
Heres the details short and simple, i thought i was pregnant....im not! yay, but i may only have 1 ovary. more testing to do, that or i have an ovarian cyst, both would suck, but ill let you all know after the tests are complete!
on a little of a happier note, tomorrow i will be 21. gasp, age revealed! yes im young, so today my friend from work took me out to dinner, and i had fun, it was nice, thursday i will have dinner with my best friend and my mother and friday i will hang with another friend. bday week, super awesome!
-me
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Choices
My father is dieing, yes a very blunt first sentence and a very sad one.
Back in december of last year he was diagnosed with throat cancer, and earlier this month he was diagnosed with lung cancer, and is terminal.
He went through kimo and radiation and it still spread, but it didnt help any that he continued smokeing while this is all happening, the one thing that helped cause his cancer and he wont quit, he will die but he wont quit.....how can someone do that?
I guess i just dont quite understand it, hes pretty much headed to his death bed, and he wont stop the one thing that may help him live a little longer. how long? they dont even know how long he has left right now, and all kimo will do is slow the process, i could wake up any day to a phone call that tells me my father has passed away, and id have to figure out how to get time off of work without loosing my job, and the money to go to his funeral. how depressing of a thought is that?
No one should ever have thoughts like that, ever. Life is hard enough without things like this.
Im sure some will think "oh geeze what a bitch" no, this is a really hard thing for me, cause i dont get to see my father, he lives 5 to 6 hours away from me and i work constantly, and its difficult for him to travel cause of the effects of the kimo and radiation. Its not as simple as people think it is.
I didnt ask for him to leave me and my mother, or for him to get cancer or anything of the sort, no did he, i guess all of these events happened for some reason or another, i just wish i knew why.
On top of it all, he didnt even tell me himself anytime that he found out he had cancer, the first time his new wife told me, the second time i found out via facebook from his new wife yet again, and ironicaly he had talked to me a week before i found out via facebook and didnt even tell me, then added into that factor, his new wife posted something that made it seem like he had already died, and no one called me to tell me the passing of my father.
now i have super bad anxiety and sometimes my meds dont always keep the panic attacks away, so comeing home to that and then not being able to get a hold of my dad on the phone, sent me into a major one!
he is still alive yes, but he doesnt know for how long.
depressing.....story of my life yes, good comes and then bad cashes it all.
vent over....
-me
Back in december of last year he was diagnosed with throat cancer, and earlier this month he was diagnosed with lung cancer, and is terminal.
He went through kimo and radiation and it still spread, but it didnt help any that he continued smokeing while this is all happening, the one thing that helped cause his cancer and he wont quit, he will die but he wont quit.....how can someone do that?
I guess i just dont quite understand it, hes pretty much headed to his death bed, and he wont stop the one thing that may help him live a little longer. how long? they dont even know how long he has left right now, and all kimo will do is slow the process, i could wake up any day to a phone call that tells me my father has passed away, and id have to figure out how to get time off of work without loosing my job, and the money to go to his funeral. how depressing of a thought is that?
No one should ever have thoughts like that, ever. Life is hard enough without things like this.
Im sure some will think "oh geeze what a bitch" no, this is a really hard thing for me, cause i dont get to see my father, he lives 5 to 6 hours away from me and i work constantly, and its difficult for him to travel cause of the effects of the kimo and radiation. Its not as simple as people think it is.
I didnt ask for him to leave me and my mother, or for him to get cancer or anything of the sort, no did he, i guess all of these events happened for some reason or another, i just wish i knew why.
On top of it all, he didnt even tell me himself anytime that he found out he had cancer, the first time his new wife told me, the second time i found out via facebook from his new wife yet again, and ironicaly he had talked to me a week before i found out via facebook and didnt even tell me, then added into that factor, his new wife posted something that made it seem like he had already died, and no one called me to tell me the passing of my father.
now i have super bad anxiety and sometimes my meds dont always keep the panic attacks away, so comeing home to that and then not being able to get a hold of my dad on the phone, sent me into a major one!
he is still alive yes, but he doesnt know for how long.
depressing.....story of my life yes, good comes and then bad cashes it all.
vent over....
-me
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Scary possibilities...
So, i have made some choices that have led me to worry about some new and very scary possibilities...things i know im not ready for.
Things i should have thought about, but everything i did was so in the moment...it was not planned or exspected to happen.
This is hard to talk about without going into detail and i am not willing to share those with the people that may possibly read this blog. 1 of the 2 people i know who read this already knows....and i can talk to them about it but sometimes its nice to put all my thoughts and words onto a page rather then try to get them to come out of my mouth which rarly wants to function properly....i want to say it but i dont, cause i dont want this to be real and i wont know for a while if it is real.
Has anyone ever done anything, and then thought "fuck fuck fuck, now what if this or that happens, that was silly, why did i do that" - but you didnt regret it, you enjoyed it but are afraid of the after affects?
thats where i am right now, so my possible blog followers and readers, if there is any news on my scary possibilities i shall let you know the detail. cause at that point it wont matter.
- me
Things i should have thought about, but everything i did was so in the moment...it was not planned or exspected to happen.
This is hard to talk about without going into detail and i am not willing to share those with the people that may possibly read this blog. 1 of the 2 people i know who read this already knows....and i can talk to them about it but sometimes its nice to put all my thoughts and words onto a page rather then try to get them to come out of my mouth which rarly wants to function properly....i want to say it but i dont, cause i dont want this to be real and i wont know for a while if it is real.
Has anyone ever done anything, and then thought "fuck fuck fuck, now what if this or that happens, that was silly, why did i do that" - but you didnt regret it, you enjoyed it but are afraid of the after affects?
thats where i am right now, so my possible blog followers and readers, if there is any news on my scary possibilities i shall let you know the detail. cause at that point it wont matter.
- me
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Its been a while.......
Yes my little followers, it has been a while since i have blogged anything.....ive been working as per usual....but also being doing things that i have throughly enjoyed.
Ive hung out with friends, makeing plans for my birthday at the end of the month, helping my mother arround the house.
Havents spoken to people who stress me and out and upset me for a few days, well until tonight. of course the first thing from this person is then jumping my case then they dont respond to shit i say......you got all up in my grill to not respond? are you that butthurt?
IM LIVING MY LIFE!
life is not ment to be spent on a computer all the time, thats not the life i want, it was a life i lived for years and i got bored, so im sorry that this person is upset i dont want the life they have, im sorry i can sit on my ass all day and do nothing while the people i live with do everything. the person i live with cant do barely anything at all.....i have to clean the house - minus dishes and they do their own laundry - i take care of the yard. the dogs is equal share of responsability. cooking, well were both to lazy for that.
im sorry i walk to work, work 40 hours a week, and walk home from work and it tires me out, im sorry but you do not control me anymore, i am free to do as i please and be the person i want to be.
im free to date or not date or just fuck arround with people, or have fun with whomever i want!
im sorry im trying to have some family memories with the family i hardly get to spend time with....
ya know what?
IM NOT SORRY!
so get over it! move on! have a life with friends and family!
its time all people for once get off thier asses and go do something they want to do! weither is just go for a walk or stand outside for no reason at all! I DONT CARE JUST DO IT!
Im gonna go to bars and clubs and whatever other places i can and do what i should have been doing in high school instead of being tied down to one person, or getting higher then fuck like a dumb ass!
oh well im a little slow on the draw there, im still young, dont take my youth away, i want to party (not like an idiot, but just enough) i want to flirt with all the damn people i want to just for the fun of it! AND YES I THINK ITS FUN! I GET SO SMILE AND LAUGH AND ENJOY LIFE!
I have medical problems, and i need to start living as if this day is my last for everyday cause it damn well could be!
ok....im done thanks
-- me
Ive hung out with friends, makeing plans for my birthday at the end of the month, helping my mother arround the house.
Havents spoken to people who stress me and out and upset me for a few days, well until tonight. of course the first thing from this person is then jumping my case then they dont respond to shit i say......you got all up in my grill to not respond? are you that butthurt?
IM LIVING MY LIFE!
life is not ment to be spent on a computer all the time, thats not the life i want, it was a life i lived for years and i got bored, so im sorry that this person is upset i dont want the life they have, im sorry i can sit on my ass all day and do nothing while the people i live with do everything. the person i live with cant do barely anything at all.....i have to clean the house - minus dishes and they do their own laundry - i take care of the yard. the dogs is equal share of responsability. cooking, well were both to lazy for that.
im sorry i walk to work, work 40 hours a week, and walk home from work and it tires me out, im sorry but you do not control me anymore, i am free to do as i please and be the person i want to be.
im free to date or not date or just fuck arround with people, or have fun with whomever i want!
im sorry im trying to have some family memories with the family i hardly get to spend time with....
ya know what?
IM NOT SORRY!
so get over it! move on! have a life with friends and family!
its time all people for once get off thier asses and go do something they want to do! weither is just go for a walk or stand outside for no reason at all! I DONT CARE JUST DO IT!
Im gonna go to bars and clubs and whatever other places i can and do what i should have been doing in high school instead of being tied down to one person, or getting higher then fuck like a dumb ass!
oh well im a little slow on the draw there, im still young, dont take my youth away, i want to party (not like an idiot, but just enough) i want to flirt with all the damn people i want to just for the fun of it! AND YES I THINK ITS FUN! I GET SO SMILE AND LAUGH AND ENJOY LIFE!
I have medical problems, and i need to start living as if this day is my last for everyday cause it damn well could be!
ok....im done thanks
-- me
Saturday, August 2, 2014
Total downer!
So i have solved the who oh why cant i find it mistery! because my shitty town DOESNT SELL IT!
issue solved
issue solved
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