It's 2021

 I have not updated since 2019. Wow. A lot happened in 2020 as I am sure a lot of people know. It had a lot of down and then I just kinda got numb to it all.

I am still single, but I live with roommates in a home. I have a cat. I have a lot more piercings and tattoos. My blogging skills are just as terrible as they always have been. Same for my insecurities, depression and anxiety.

I smoke Pot tho. I guess there are some ups. Have some good close friends and people who do care about me. I still got to keep my job and got promoted during the pandemic. So hey, silver lining.

I keep getting screwed over by people. Like am I just so dumb? I had this guy tell me he "wasn't existing" until he went on some trip. So it got me thinking. Maybe I will just stop existing and not in the bad I am gonna hurt myself kind of way. I am not there., and I hope I never get there again. What I mean is, socially. Like I wont delete anything but maybe just stop posting and talking? I know who would notice and who would reach out to me. So why am I bothering with these other people? I mean nothing to them unless they want something.

The question is, would this make me happier? Like who am I hurting in the end or is this a happy for everyone? I know my best friend would still talk to me and make sure I am ok. Heck the girl would probably send me noodes if I begged for them. She my bestie and maybe I would be in a worse play mentally without her.

I dunno but I figured I would put these thoughts down. Til next time.

-- me

A long awaited update...

It has been quite sometime and I am in a good place while i'm typing this.

I am feeling good. I applied for leadership and actually have a shot of getting it. I am happy with where I am. I don't feel a need for another human. I don't feel like everything is falling apart.

Getting some self confidence back from all of these very good looking men who want in my pants. Shocker I know.

I feel good.

--me

Path of self destruction

I don't know what to do anymore. I almost never eat. Don't have the money to do it. Work is hit or miss. I drink and smoke too much.

--me

What is going on?

I'm not with JD....I live alone...I've had far too mich sex with seval guys, from a 19 year old with a huge dick to a 30 year old who couldn't perform....now there is a new guy....who isn't even in the same state! I don't want a relationship.....I can't. I'm not capable of love like others. I ended 2 relationship after 3 years because i stopped loving them....he is so sweet but kinky and a bit of a bad boy. Who is on Skype and asleep. Which has put this big ass grin on my face....why? He makes me feel so many things and I know what most of them are....but some confuse me. I want to fuck him, but I am also terrified that eventually I will want more...he has made it abundendtly clear he eventually will.....
At this moment I am pretty happy. The happeiest I have been in a while actually but I'm terrified...I kinda like not knowing, but I also want to know.
I want to know if this will go somewhere and how it will end, it it will end. I want to know what would happen if it doesn't go anywhere besides sex. Or if it goes somewhere, but that somewhere is me getting used to he can escape the life and town he wants to leave. Crazy to think. I'm obsessed with him. I crave him. Help.....

--me

So far...

So JD and I split. Of course i was not on birth control, getting a lot of guys hitting me up. I was dumb and Wreckless last night. I enjoyed it and that scares me. So I need to adult now lol and do the right thing. Wish me luck.

--me

Life

A lot has happened. Per usual....i left JD. I'm on my own. I'm becoming a hoe....

--me

I make a mark

Most people want to make some mark, something to be remembered by...apparently i do. I never realised it until I came back to fcr.

You got me anyways

I got my call center job back. I also got my septum pierced.

Apparently i have a deviated septum.

Toying with my emotions

So my current job is taking my hours away from me....I reapplied to my old job....was offered my job back. A few hours later was called and told they can't hire me. No reason just no.....

-  me

My mom...

My mom is being forced to give up her companion animal...the place she is at won't let her keep him and the new place won't let her have him...
I can't have him....i don't know how to help her...

--me

The update

Im not even sure where to start.... I looked back at my post from last year to see where things were.
So, I did move out, but it was in with JD and his family. My mom and i got kicked out. Living with the in-laws was horrible. Needkess to say, after 4 months the mother in law kicked me out. JD chose to come with me.
We became common law married at the begging of the year.
I no longer work for the call center, they sunk fast and became a typical call center. I work at a Mexican grill making tortillas.
JD and I have our own apartment.
Sadly, I had to put my dog down....he wasn't doing well and was getting worse and worse....I really miss him.
We got a bird a few months after....well....I need the companionship....I hate that I had to do it fast, and I hope Stimpy would understand.....
I bleached my hair. Got tired of it and its dark again.
My mom is going through a rough time...
I guess that's all for now.

--me

Its been almost a year.....

I can't believe i havent posted in almost a year. So m I ch has changed, so i downloaded the app (since i have a better phone now) and ill try tp post more.
Im on my lunch break at work, so once im off ill do an update.

--me

Its been a while, had quite an eventful day.

Hey, I have made it to the library, I know its been quite some time.
I got a new job, I work for a call center now and I actually love it. It has a great environment and its not back to back calls. Its a 5 day a week sort of thing, and has decent pay.
I'm going to move out soon. Even if JD doesn't want to come with me, I'm moving. I cannot handle being with my mother any more. I'm getting too depressed being around her. I love my mom but its getting to be too much. Wish me luck.

The other day (Monday) was quite eventful. JD's male pit had a bit tumor or cyst on his chest/shoulder area. It was getting massive and he popped the sucker open and it was draining. The took him to the vet, the vet over the phone said they had 2 options. 1) Take him out of town for surgery and a skin graph. 2) Put him down. So with that JD was having a rough night, and morning, completely thought he was going to loose his dog. Turns out, since the silly mutt popped it open, it shrink-ed a bit and the vet was able to do surgery without skin graphs and was able to save him. They are lucky, they have been with their vet so long they can make payments. He is doing better.
After I came home that morning, my mom wanted to go to the welfare office to see what the local food donation place was going to leave. That wasn't until almost 1. So I went to see JD on his break. Came home, was close to 1 so we headed that way. We were coming back home, and saw several cops cars, a fire truck and an ambulance all outside of our building. Turns out, some guy stabbed another guy twice in the gut. Don't know why. Don't know if the guy is OK, there has been no updates about it so far. Then the guy who lives a few doors down from us, his placed was being searched by the cops, guess he is related to one of the people.
That was all for Monday, to day mom got a new electric wheelchair. She is being a pain as usual.
Going out of town this Saturday as we have been planning for a while.

Guess that's all for now. Laters'

--me

Just some updates from the library....

So i got a new job, and im just waiting to get into training, since they only do 2 classes a month.
Stimpy is a little sick, dont know if its Kennel cough or bronchitis, but he has a cough. Called a vet and he said if he is eating and drinking, and doing his business then he is ok. If he stops eating thats when you have to worry. So i have looked it up and you can give a dog coconut oil to help with kennel cough so its been helping a bit, i just mix it in his wet food we give him and he eats it.
Mom got sick and had to go to the hospital, she is home finally. Freaking out about stimpy but she wont listen to me when i tell her he is fine. Gonna do some research while i have access to a computer.

Ok, well i dont have much else to say, so bye

--me

Haha, life can be shitty

Ya i dont have a job anymore, and now im at the library because i dont have a computer either and well ya im job hunting, but i was thinking of starting an additional blog about review, my person thoughts on movies and books and books turned into movies and what was different and so on.
You know sometimes i wish some of you would respond to my posts so i could get your input, if you can do it without stating your name tell me please. Id like some feed back.

--me

It's gonna be a bit...

My laptop took a shit, so it'll be a while before I can blog often.

--me

We ended up looking at 2 houses

So we ended up seeing the house early, which was nice and we liked it a lot. Then we also went to see another house we both kinda liked, but if i honestly had to pick, id want the little blue house we saw first. But first we have to get our own realtor (is that how u spell it?) and get approval from the bank and i need a better job to pay for it. Hope it doesnt go to auction soon.

--me

Doing adult stuff

So JD and i are looking at a house tomorrow, ya im nervious and im looking for a new job so we can actually afford a place........we doing adult stuff and im scared.

--me

A talk with my mom

So i live with my mom as im sure you all know. The other day i came home and we were just at each others throats and i realised i cant take care of her anymore. I cant provide her with the proper care she needs. So i came home and sat down and said
"Mom i love you, but i cant take care of you anymore. I cant give you the care you need."
And based off that we had a long talk, about how the living situation we are in is not healthy for either of us. I cant care for her like she needs, and its too much on me. She agreed and then cried because she is afraid to be alone. Which i understand. She also said she knows i need to go and live my life with JD (omg thank god for backspace because i put down his real name!!!! O.O) she said she is happy for us and we are young and need to go out on our own.
Thats how i came home lol, but it was a good talk and im glad she didnt like freak out and try to talk me out of it.
Thats all for now guys.

--me

Could people been any more nuts?

So i have been working super hard and i am super sore and tired and today i just wanted to go home and relax and i was glad that JD was picking me up after work.
While we were walking to his truck, this person in this shit little red car was parking and not very well, they parked too close to JD's truck, so as carefully as i possibly could, (at this point the person had started walking to the store) i opened the door and gently set it next to this persons car, nothing to cause any alarm or harm. Im handing JD the soda to put in the cup holder on his side when this person comes back and yells at me to get the door off their car so i "wont risk the paint" because they "want their paint to stay intact".......
WHAT!
its a fucking car, so what if u get a tiny fucking scratch (which wouldnt have happened fyi) on your stupid fucking POS car because you dont know how to fucking park so i wouldnt have to put the door that way so i could get into my truck!
Its fucking cosmetic, who gives a flying fuck if you get a scratch on this POS old ass car, and it wasnt vintage or new or anything, it was like every other old car out there. It was maybe a 200-2007 somewhere in that rang, just a standard ass car and this person is crying about paint like a psycho!

Look i could understand if it was vintage or new (btw JD's truck is a 2016 and he wasnt fucking worried about the damn paint) or if instead of screaming at me, you came up and calmly said "hey would you mind not doing that please, this car is special (or some shit) and i dont want to risk a sratch" id be like "shit im sorry sure no problem, my bad"
Im reasonable person if your not fucking nuts and yelling at me ok, if you talk to me like im a human and show me respect maybe shit would be different!
Why cant people just respect each other and not being psycho about stupid ass shit?

Ok i took some water guns to a friends place last year and some kid broke them, and my friend was flipping out saying she would pay me back and was so sorry and im like "hey shit happens, they were cheap its ok im not worried about it"
SHIT HAPPENS PEOPLE CHILL AND GET THE FUCK OVER IT!
Get your damn head out your asses and get off the damn high horse and start treating people respectfully and being nice and maybe this world wouldnt be such shit anymore, i mean come on, people used to be nice but now everyone is a jackass who feels they are entitled to shit!
Just because (on a side not, but kinda not) i give out free shit, doesnt mean your fucking entitled to it ok, im working just as hard as you, walking my ass to work, do extra shit to get more hours so i can earn some kind of income, just like the rest of the fucking world ok. I dont go around actng like an entitled ass, i know shit happens and just because someone is working a job doesnt fucking mean they know everything or know what the fuck they are doing all the damn time!
People dont seem to understand that you dont get trained anymore, you get tossed to the entitled wolves to sink or swim.
So how about we start acting like humans again and show each other respect.
Know when you go somewhere or call some service that maybe your talking to a new person or someone who hasnt had the job long and may need some time or help. Dont expect instant gratitude ok, chill the fuck out and slow down and deal with the shit ok, you wont die! I promise it will feel much better.

(omg, if i have some shit spelling im sorry, i fixed all the stuff i could, total rant mode and this was hours after the fact)

thats all rant over im okish lol

--me