It's 2021

 I have not updated since 2019. Wow. A lot happened in 2020 as I am sure a lot of people know. It had a lot of down and then I just kinda got numb to it all.

I am still single, but I live with roommates in a home. I have a cat. I have a lot more piercings and tattoos. My blogging skills are just as terrible as they always have been. Same for my insecurities, depression and anxiety.

I smoke Pot tho. I guess there are some ups. Have some good close friends and people who do care about me. I still got to keep my job and got promoted during the pandemic. So hey, silver lining.

I keep getting screwed over by people. Like am I just so dumb? I had this guy tell me he "wasn't existing" until he went on some trip. So it got me thinking. Maybe I will just stop existing and not in the bad I am gonna hurt myself kind of way. I am not there., and I hope I never get there again. What I mean is, socially. Like I wont delete anything but maybe just stop posting and talking? I know who would notice and who would reach out to me. So why am I bothering with these other people? I mean nothing to them unless they want something.

The question is, would this make me happier? Like who am I hurting in the end or is this a happy for everyone? I know my best friend would still talk to me and make sure I am ok. Heck the girl would probably send me noodes if I begged for them. She my bestie and maybe I would be in a worse play mentally without her.

I dunno but I figured I would put these thoughts down. Til next time.

-- me

A long awaited update...

It has been quite sometime and I am in a good place while i'm typing this.

I am feeling good. I applied for leadership and actually have a shot of getting it. I am happy with where I am. I don't feel a need for another human. I don't feel like everything is falling apart.

Getting some self confidence back from all of these very good looking men who want in my pants. Shocker I know.

I feel good.

--me

Path of self destruction

I don't know what to do anymore. I almost never eat. Don't have the money to do it. Work is hit or miss. I drink and smoke too much.

--me

What is going on?

I'm not with JD....I live alone...I've had far too mich sex with seval guys, from a 19 year old with a huge dick to a 30 year old who couldn't perform....now there is a new guy....who isn't even in the same state! I don't want a relationship.....I can't. I'm not capable of love like others. I ended 2 relationship after 3 years because i stopped loving them....he is so sweet but kinky and a bit of a bad boy. Who is on Skype and asleep. Which has put this big ass grin on my face....why? He makes me feel so many things and I know what most of them are....but some confuse me. I want to fuck him, but I am also terrified that eventually I will want more...he has made it abundendtly clear he eventually will.....
At this moment I am pretty happy. The happeiest I have been in a while actually but I'm terrified...I kinda like not knowing, but I also want to know.
I want to know if this will go somewhere and how it will end, it it will end. I want to know what would happen if it doesn't go anywhere besides sex. Or if it goes somewhere, but that somewhere is me getting used to he can escape the life and town he wants to leave. Crazy to think. I'm obsessed with him. I crave him. Help.....

--me

So far...

So JD and I split. Of course i was not on birth control, getting a lot of guys hitting me up. I was dumb and Wreckless last night. I enjoyed it and that scares me. So I need to adult now lol and do the right thing. Wish me luck.

--me

Life

A lot has happened. Per usual....i left JD. I'm on my own. I'm becoming a hoe....

--me

I make a mark

Most people want to make some mark, something to be remembered by...apparently i do. I never realised it until I came back to fcr.